The Story Behind the Wall - Part 1

My name is Cath, and I want to tell you a story of a girl who has walls. And yes, that was me.

I bet most of you would understand why a girl would build walls and push the people who try to be part of your life away, but for those who do not understand, it's because we got hurt big time.

You may say that we're over reacting, but no, we are not. It's just a matter of protecting ourselves and to prevent those hurtful moments from happening again.

Before I tell you the story as to how my walls got destroyed, I want to share with you, as to how they got there in the first place. And don't worry, I'll keep it short.

The first guy I ever dated was Terill, it was during our junior year in high school. Terill was a nice and sweet boy, he likes to play basketball, he plays the drums (I won't tell you everything about him, since that was 10 years ago and I can't honestly remember who he was before.)

And during that time, I was a little boyish back then, I love sports, I enjoy being around with boy cliques, just because they don't judge you the way your girl friends does and besides, they're fun to be with. They don't just go out to shop and eat. But they like doing activities such as bowling, pool, arcades, movies, which are also my kind of stuff.

Anyhoo, we've been acquaintances for as long as I can remember but during the Junior year, was the time he asked me out. We were okay, we go out often, we always talk on the phone about anything that goes around the world, we laugh a lot, we have a lot of things in common. And when I was starting to fall in love with me. He left me.

He told me that he realized that what he felt wasn't real, and that he doesn't love me at all. I didn't understand why, but I accepted his decision.

I had my first boyfriend in the summer of my upcoming senior year, his name was John. John was a year older than I am, he was an athlete, basketball was his sport, one of the most popular kids in school and a basketball hot shot if I may add.

Our relationship started off really funny (I won't give you the details.) I really liked John, he was nice though he wasn't that good looking, but he has an appeal that most girls would really notice and fall for.

During that summer, John had to leave for a week because of his summer camp, he  met a lot of people there, and since I trust him, I didn't mind if he wouldn't be able to call or send me a text, and I know it was because he was doing a lot of summer activities.

But after he got back, something felt different about him, at first it was just me feeling paranoid and all, but it wasn't until he broke up with me that I realized it was my instinct telling me something was wrong.

John left me for someone he met in summer camp. I didn't ask nor beg for him to stay, because what can I do? He wanted her and not me.

A lot of realizations came into mind when we broke up, I felt like John never really did loved me, for one I believe I was just a trophy that he can show off to his friends. But that wasn't the last time I heard from him. In some point he kept adding me on Friendster, sending me messages, I didn't know what he wanted from me, but all I did was ignore him.

My second boyfriend was Terrence, I call him Ten. Ten was also a hot shot in basketball but from a different school. He's a heartthrob, but not really that good looking. We dated when I was in my senior year and during then I was a cheer dancer.

I love our relationship, I was close to his family, in a point when whenever I have dance competitions his mom would be there with her friends cheering for me as she holds and records the routine with her video camera. Fun mom, right? (Again, I won't go into details as how our relationship went.)

After a few months of dating, Ten left me, saying that he needs time to focus on his basketball career, but I really felt that it wasn't the real reason. And as it turned out, I was right. There was another girl involved, his brothers supported me all the way, but I was the one who gave up, since it was too painful to bear.

My third boyfriend was Nicholas, people call him Nikko. He was a dream boat, a very sweet young man, and so good looking that girls drool over him. I was very lucky to have him, our relationship ran smoothly, until his ex spoke with him and asking to take her back. And Nikko, well.... he decided to leave me for her. After a day of being with her, he contacted me asking to take him back saying that leaving me was a mistake that he should have said no to her. So I gave him another chance. After a month or so, his ex came back again, and I think you know what happened next, he left me again for her.

And after a few days, he came back and asking me back, and telling me that he wanted to date me and her at the same time, but I'm the only one who knows. WTF, right? But I gave him a yes, just to make things exciting. When Nikko finally decided who he wanted to be with (yes, it was her) that ticked me off, so I decided to tell the girl how he cheated on her by showing her our photos with dates on them. (I may be cruel, but you can't blame me as to how I got there in the first place.)

I got what I wanted at first. They fought and broke up, but in the end, they are really meant for each other. And guess what? They're married now.

My fourth boyfriend was Jesper, and I was in my sophomore year in College. Jesper is your typical boy next door, but the only difference is, he's a basketball player as well in his school, one of the heartthrobs if I may add. Jesper used to be my best friend, until we fell in love with each other, how typical, isn't it? Our relationship has always been full of ups and downs, we fight and make up a lot. We dated for one year, and he broke up with me, he said it was because he feels empty, as if there is something in him that's missing and he wants to search for it alone. I told him that wouldn't it be better if we search for it together? Again he refused. But I didn't felt like he was telling the whole truth.

It wasn't until a few weeks later when someone told me that he always see him with his other best friend, and they look quite intimate together. I started to wonder as to what was going on. So I texted him, I said, you fell in love with your best friend while we were together, didn't you? All he said was, how did you know?

That was all I needed to hear. Another man left me for another girl.